I remember when I was just unemployed for a few weeks, it was the beginning of my long-term unemployment. At this time, I never knew what it felt like to be out of work as I always had a job.
So, I am obviously in a slump mentally because of this, I am also having mental fatigue because, in that time, I worked, I interned for free, I had a job, and I would help my mom with her business. With this life in mind, I had my guard down at my grandfather’s house.
While my guard is down at my grandpa’s house, my uncle approaches me. A real doushe bag miserable with a b-tch bushy moustache. He then proceeds to open his mouth and ask me if I got a new job. I said no. Then he immediately goes on the attack with my guard down screaming, “how come you don’t have a job?!” And this was unexpected and shocking to me, so I basically had my guard down as this d-ck waad verbally attacks me.
Then he goes on to tout his job and just rambles nonsense. At that point my mind broke a little bit, because I am being attacked by someone unexpectedly and I still thought he was someone to be respected so I did not verbally defend myself.
After that moment I became disturbed. It affected me mentally for a while because I wanted to punch him in his face and tell him to kiss my you know what but I could not.
This moment took place almost fifteen years ago. I do not know why I carry this so long. I do not know why I feel disturbed by it. Also, it is a source for many of my intrusive thoughts.
I guess someone in my family abused their power and I could do nothing about it. I was defenseless in the matter. For years after that I basically stayed away from my family, and he just told his side of the story as him being the victim and my family though it was nothing.
I stayed away because I wanted to rip his head off and tell him off, but I never did. I just continued to alienate myself from them.
Years later I saw him at my grandpa’s house, and I exploded on him, and it portrayed me as the crazy one as I suspected it would.
There are many battles in my life I cannot win. There are many moments in my life where sabotage is the theme never ending.
This was the first lesson in my life where I realized peace hurts but war is suicide, and I was forced to stir in my misery. Sometimes it is the only thing you can do.