That is my love life, a series of realizations that I am not good enough. However, there was a time I thought I was good enough. So, what do people who think they are good enough do? They go on dating sites looking for women. Then I found one, she was cute, she had a muffin top on her belly which she wore as a sexy feature. But in reality, she was a plumper who knew how to craft make up and her fat in tights to turn me on.
I met her off the internet, she was an older woman. She was divorced multiple times, she had kids from three baby’s daddies and what can I say, for a low life like me it’s a turn on.
But she was beyond a gold digger. She was out to strike oil with me, which in my case was $40 and a DVD player.
You can tell when you have a gold miner as a mate, if you just started the relationship with them on December twentieth, they would ask what are you getting them for Christmas. This is why you should always start your relationships after February fifteenth this way you do not have to get them a gift.
I had many events that turned me off to this aspect of the adult traps. There are many adult traps: jobs, marriage, children and mates, whether it be your girlfriend or boyfriend.
So here was a specific event in the adult trap that led me to the way of disengaging with the love life:
It was Valentine’s Day, my chubby ungrateful and needy girlfriend at the time said to meet her at this certain restaurant. So, I go over there. Would you believe that when I went there, she was already seated with a big plate of food?! Yea, she got seated and ordered food and ate her fat fuggin meal without me. I thought because we were together and boyfriend and girlfriend, she would wait for me and then we would be seated together and then order our food together and then I can watch her gain weight.
But no! Absolutely not her. She could not be a decent pig, she could not resist, she just had to be a normal pig! I walk into that restaurant, and I see her with five farm animals on a plate, absorbing it, and I am like wow you fat beach! What a fat fuggin beach!
And it was not the restaurant I wanted to go to; it was not even what I planned. Then the bill comes, and she hands it to me, and I literally uttered the phrase, “you fat fugg…” I was disgusted by this fat beached whale. She saw the disgust in my face and heard the disgust out of my mouth and she tells me she will pay for it, but I have to buy pizza for her and her kids for dinner.
Now just keep in mind, she is plus size, and you can add and exponent to that. She is chubby to the second power, and she has three kids, they eat like hungry lions. And they are big kids, one of them looked like and was shaped like a female Cleveland Brown Jr. and the other two looked like a female wrestling tag team.
So, I order dominos, it cost me $40 and on top of that there is a delivery fee in addition to the tip which is why I hate ordering pizza in general because I am paying for two slices I never ate when you add in the tip and delivery fee. But don’t worry, I did not really get to eat anything once I left it on the table, they swallowed it like it was no tomorrow. Not only did that turn me off to a love life but also turned me off to fatherhood. I can’t believe I paid $40 to eat two slices.
So, my girl at the time is telling me she will bring my food to me. She is taking forever and when I see what is taking her so long, I see her stuffing her face once again eating without me. What a fat selfish beach. That relationship went on for three months, good times huh?
And that was my personal Valentine’s Day massacre! It’s also one of the many reasons to never date again. This is a day in my miserable life, where many words of misery shall be uttered. Until next time, because unfortunately I am still alive.