That is my love life, a series of realizations that I am not good enough. However, there was a time I thought I was good enough. So, what do people who think they are good enough do? They go on dating sites looking for women. Then I found one, she was cute, she had a muffin top on her belly which she wore as a sexy feature. But in reality, she was a plumper who knew how to craft make up and her fat in tights to turn me on.
I met her off the internet, she was an older woman. She was divorced multiple times, she had kids from three baby’s daddies and what can I say, for a low life like me it’s a turn on.
But she was beyond a gold digger. She was out to strike oil with me, which in my case was $40 and a DVD player.
You can tell when you have a gold miner as a mate, if you just started the relationship with them on December twentieth, they would ask what are you getting them for Christmas. This is why you should always start your relationships after February fifteenth this way you do not have to get them a gift.
I had many events that turned me off to this aspect of the adult traps. There are many adult traps: jobs, marriage, children and mates, whether it be your girlfriend or boyfriend.
So here was a specific event in the adult trap that led me to the way of disengaging with the love life:
It was Valentine’s Day, my chubby ungrateful and needy girlfriend at the time said to meet her at this certain restaurant. So, I go over there. Would you believe that when I went there, she was already seated with a big plate of food?! Yea, she got seated and ordered food and ate her fat fuggin meal without me. I thought because we were together and boyfriend and girlfriend, she would wait for me and then we would be seated together and then order our food together and then I can watch her gain weight.
But no! Absolutely not her. She could not be a decent pig, she could not resist, she just had to be a normal pig! I walk into that restaurant, and I see her with five farm animals on a plate, absorbing it, and I am like wow you fat beach! What a fat fuggin beach!
And it was not the restaurant I wanted to go to; it was not even what I planned. Then the bill comes, and she hands it to me, and I literally uttered the phrase, “you fat fugg…” I was disgusted by this fat beached whale. She saw the disgust in my face and heard the disgust out of my mouth and she tells me she will pay for it, but I have to buy pizza for her and her kids for dinner.
Now just keep in mind, she is plus size, and you can add and exponent to that. She is chubby to the second power, and she has three kids, they eat like hungry lions. And they are big kids, one of them looked like and was shaped like a female Cleveland Brown Jr. and the other two looked like a female wrestling tag team.
So, I order dominos, it cost me $40 and on top of that there is a delivery fee in addition to the tip which is why I hate ordering pizza in general because I am paying for two slices I never ate when you add in the tip and delivery fee. But don’t worry, I did not really get to eat anything once I left it on the table, they swallowed it like it was no tomorrow. Not only did that turn me off to a love life but also turned me off to fatherhood. I can’t believe I paid $40 to eat two slices.
So, my girl at the time is telling me she will bring my food to me. She is taking forever and when I see what is taking her so long, I see her stuffing her face once again eating without me. What a fat selfish beach. That relationship went on for three months, good times huh?
And that was my personal Valentine’s Day massacre! It’s also one of the many reasons to never date again. This is a day in my miserable life, where many words of misery shall be uttered. Until next time, because unfortunately I am still alive.
Tag: misery
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My personal Valentines Day Massacre
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The curse of a hundred pennies
It’s one of those days where I got to go outside and run some errands. Unfortunately, I have to go into civilization. I have to bear the wild and walk around in my neighborhood. I mean let’s face it, my room is my cloud, it’s my bubble. My room is my little itty bitty delusion factory where I think I am wizard, a businessman and a tough guy. Then I go out there into reality and it hits me hard, people hate my guts, society thinks I’m dog poop.
Maybe that’s why some fat looking Roman soldier is looking at me like he wants to kick my butt. But what really killed me about the whole situation is this dude was pushing a baby carriage with a baby in it. I was shocked. What fat low life. Bear in mind nothing is wrong with being fat. I do not know where it came from. Why would a guy I do not know be stink eyeing me like he wanted to fight while he pushes a baby carriage?! I played it cool and tried not to stare back, but I did. It was really weird. It puzzled me the whole day. I’m worried about what happens when this loser sees me again and he does not have his baby with him. I was guessing he thinks if he kills me and does life prison, he can get out of the responsibility of taking care of his child. That is the only reason why some dude who does not know me wanted a confrontation while he is pushing his kid in a carriage.
I am worried about it; I don’t want the problems. I also know that I cannot win on any level. But this always happens to me. I am always finding myself in situations where people just mess with me and try to make confrontation with me. What was real disheartening about the situation is the protection spell I used before I left the house did not work. Remember in my room which is a factory of delusion I am a wizard. You know, like a middle-aged Merlin. But I will have the faith, I am writing this from New York City, there is a lot of crime, let’s just pray he becomes a victim of it, Amen!
So, I keep walking, I overhear some woman going to the store I hate asking for something. I really despise the guy who owns the store, and I cannot stomach his workers, they are like his little crew. It’s an ethnic grocery store. The woman asks how much a coconut is, we’re like savages in my neck of the woods, I guess someone wanted a cut coconut to drink the water out of it. And while I write this, just know, its winter, why would you want a coconut in thirty-degree weather? And get this: when she asked for the price of the coconut, he tells her its $10!
Could you believe that sh-t?! $10 for a friggin coconut, from a place that’s only worth $5. However, you have suckers and desperados that will submit to that. And there we go, one more reason to hate that scum bag, his store and his gang of workers that sell things in front of the store, so they act like gangsters on a street corner. I cannot get over the $10 parts. I will shove that coconut up his gluteus maximus! Who the fugg does this guy think he is, lord of the coconuts? You know what else irritates me about that store and the people that work there? OK here it is: the owner and the people who work there, whether male or female, they all look like Elvis Presley impersonators. I don’t know if he ships them in from Las Vegas during the slow season, I got no fugging idea.
So, the day keeps going wrong, because I am still breathing. Getting older with this luck really worries me. I can have the same problems in the nursing home with other senior citizens at this rate if I do not solve this spiritual and quick. Now I go to the train station, I wanted to put money in the metro card and machine and use all the coins I had which is a real kicker in the story. But OfCourse, it’s my life, and the machine don’t work, and the other machine don’t accept money just cards. I tell the MTA employee, and she was nice to let me on the train free. And I appreciate that, because I ready to hop the train and she made it easier for me.
So now I am on a train in the hood, because I had to exchange at a station for another train. It’s in Brooklyn and this station is crowded like a block in Bombay, India in the afternoon. I get off the train. Before I go out, I wanted to put money on my metro card. And I really have to because the cops are there, and I cannot hop the train this time. I actually did not want to, but the fare is expensive, and I had a few dollars.
But here is the kicker, I had two-dollar bills and one hundred pennies. I was intending to put the one hundred pennies in the metro card machine. You know what, hold on, maybe the pennies may have been bad luck which is why that fat white or Spanish dude wanted to kick my buns of bone. Yea sh-t wow! You see when my grandpa died, he had a jar full of pennies at his house and my mom kept it when he was cleaning out his house. Now I come to think about it, my grandfather hated me. He hated my guts. He hated that I could not find a job after I got laid off and he thought I was a bum. It hurt me so much that I stopped speaking to him, we reconciled and then a few weeks after he died. This is something I will write about again but yea, his curse maybe on those pennies. Holy stuff, maybe that’s why!
Well anyway, here I am. My cheap a.s.s. and my one hundred pennies like this is medieval times. I look for a machine and its same thing, nothing works. I ask the woman at the MTA booth, while she is working hard text messaging her friend, she says it takes pennies. I go back to the machine; I keep pushing the penny in and it spits it back at me like a whore telling me it’s too good for her. So, I go back to this useless sack of MTA sh-t in her booth. Naturally she is doing executive actions on her cell phone, probably receiving a d-ck pic. But she tilts her moronic head when she was ready and tells me that pennies are not accepted.
So, now I walk around the neighborhood, I walk around to every store, and they are like “nope, I ain’t doing that!” And I was like what the fugg is this?! Why does everyone discriminate against the pennies? Are you not a store? Do you not need the fugging change? How fugging dare these pieces of sheet just tell me they won’t accept my one hundred pennies for exchange of a dollar or to purchase something?! No one has a worth ethic anymore, and it’s unacceptable, we all can’t be like that, for that is my department…
I finally found a store with a lady who was nice enough to exchange it for me and I was on my way. And may the Gods bless that lady and that store. And may the Gods give the other stores bird flu who discriminate against my pennies. After that I copped my sh-t that I needed and I went back on the train and when I saw there was cops around, I was like a bunny rabbit. And we all know what bunny rabbits do right?! Yea, that’s right: grow fur…
My life is dark. I felt a dark feeling on the streets as I always do when I go out there. I need to brighten my own light within overcome my darkness. What a miserable day that makes my miserable life. And OfCourse, I will be back. I hope you will also. Come back to wordsofmisery.com .